By Donna Gates, as seen on:
Maybe you struggle with health, money, addiction, identity, eating disorder, childhood trauma, mental anxiety or depression. Or maybe it’s love. Or regret. Or sorrow. Too much time. Or too little time. The list goes on.
The bottom line is that too often, we face these struggles alone—or in the wrong company.
Asking for help isn’t easy.
It takes discernment. Because—let’s face it—many of the relationships that we have with others keep us locked into the same old beliefs, patterns, and habits that need to change. When you really ask for help, you end up asking someone who can really help you.
It takes courage. When it comes to asking for help, most of us feel shame.
In fact, research shows that a large percentage of people will shy away from help—even when it is available and needed. This is because so many of us believe that asking for help suggests incompetence. It feels like dependence—rather than independence. Asking for help says, I’m powerless. Rather than, I’m powerful.
But, as it turns out, it takes inner strength to express vulnerability and need.
When To Ask For Help:
1. When You Are Ready to Accept Help.
Some of my most desperate moments have run their course when I have felt completely alone, helpless and lost. I have gone to great lengths to help someone else—while finding it very difficult to accept the help of others.
One of the best ways to accept help is to compassionately explore what you are going through. Take on the attitude of setting foot on uncharted territory. Learn everything you can about yourself and your situation.
Generate a sense of wonderment. Start a journal or a blog. You are your greatest teacher. The biggest gift that you get to enjoy in this lifetime is YOU.
2. When The Uni-verse Opens Doors.
The funny thing about help is that it is full of micro-synchronicities—small moments that seem random, but collide into total perfection.
For example, the conversation that you have on the bus or subway. A fresh opportunity. The smell of jasmine in the air. Looking at that person in the eyes. A smile in the distance. A memory that feels new. All of it—at the right moment—just enough to shift your perspective.
When this happens often enough, that big obstacle that has been holding you back doesn’t seem so big. Life itself has whittled your fears down to something you can handle. Then when the big moment comes—when you ask for help—you may even be ready to receive it.
3. When You Embrace Your Community.
Help is layered. It is a work in progress. “Getting help” is a lifetime commitment—to yourself and to others. When you accept help from others you affirm unity within your community. You acknowledge the bigger picture. Lines of separation dissolve.
When you ask for help, you believe you’re worth helping.
You admit—at least to yourself—that you don’t have all the answers.
You let go of the outcome.
You share who you are. Deep, dark secrets and all.
You shine your light.
And—this is the best part—your triumphs will uplift and inspire others.
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