What Is It That
You Think You Don't Know?
Here's Why You're Probably Wrong
Everyone has
one or more character traits that, far more than other traits, seems to rub
certain others the wrong way.
|
"Rationality before, without or
despite intuition is deadly."
-- Brian Vaszily
(Image: "Child," a digital painting by Lumini Mattia.)
|
Mine is confidence.
That's my term for it at least.
Far more than
any other complaint ever leveled against me, those of a certain type accuse
me of being "over-confident," "too sure of myself," and
cruder variations on that theme.
This accusation
has declined over the last seven or so years, as I have learned to recognize
and temper what can be perceived as ostentatious aspects of my self-assuredness
(though I’m sure I have relapses.)
But my confidence
has not waned. On the contrary, during this same last six or seven years it
has only increased. Remarkably so.
So just what is it that I am so confident about? And what
is it that makes me so confident - apparently to a fault for some sour
tastes? And why should this even matter to you when you’ve got so much to
think about already?
Assess
Your Connection
Here's the
number one thing you need to know to answer those questions above: when I
think about things, I can have just as much fear and doubt as the next person.
And like any
adult, I've got major responsibilities, such as two teenaged kids (both now
with their driver's permits), my marriage, a house that needs constant attention,
a Mother and Grandmother and other close relationships, health issues to improve,
and career including a major client who depends on me, several websites I
lead, weekly columns and articles to create, and a new book I'm writing with
a coming-soon deadline. When I think about any or all of these, I can worry
that things won't go right, the worst case scenario will occur, and the sky
will fall.
Finally, it
is also my nature to ask all the really big questions, and when I think about
them I realize I don’t have any proven answers, and that could worry me to
the core.
And yet I can
with complete conviction say that I am actually quite confident about all
these things.
So here's the
second thing you need to know: though I still sometimes make the mistake of
doing it, I realize that thinking about things without having first felt what
is right and true is the biggest mistake I can make. Rationality before,
without or despite intuition is deadly. I could fear, I could
worry, I could doubt, but these days more than ever I let my intuition
lead me instead.
To date, and
though I have not always followed it (for which I've paid accordingly), my
intuition has never misled me.
Since my youth
I have been fortunate to retain a strong connection to this intuition. I used
to believe the intuition was a special gift I had, one that others lacked.
But as Einstein suggests in the quote that starts this piece, we actually
all have this same "sacred gift." And all children are especially
in touch with it - they have far less rational "facts" (i.e.,
strong opinions) to muddle their brains and so follow their intuition far
more easily, enabling them, for example, to play with children of other races,
cultures and religious backgrounds while the adults are busy blaming, hating
and bombing the different.
Instead, the
gift I have been given is a set of experiences, challenges and tragedies that
have enabled me to retain a very strong connection to the sacred gift
of intuition we all own. The experiences have included being raised under
the very strong influences of women, particularly my Mother and sister – for
a variety of social, psychological and perhaps biological reasons women typically
are more connected to their intuition.
The challenges
have included an extensive "paranormal" one that will be the topic
of a future book but that might make some of the more “rational” readers here
assume I was crazy if I only cited it in passing.
The tragedies
have included (part of) my relationship
with my father, his long and difficult death, and my knowledge of all
he carried to his grave including the tragic death of his second son, his
first wife, and what he witnessed in Europe in World War II.
The point is,
through a variety of circumstances and my response to them, I have been given
the gift of retaining a rather solid grip on my intuition ("rather solid"
means it has certainly slipped at various points); further, through a variety
of more intentional and internal experiences in the last six to seven years,
I have become both more aware of the power of my intuition and my trust in
it.
Meanwhile -
intuitively supported by rationally --- I have realized that most adults
lose most or all of the connection to their intuition. Encouraged by school
and jobs and the mundane to-do's of life, they place too much emphasis on
and trust in thinking and rationality to the extent that many become sad,
angry, repressed, aimless, and empty, and physically ill as a consequence.
They believe the fears and doubt their rational mind creates - and
it has an endless supply – and cease to trust in themselves.
Do You
Think Before You Know?
So trust in
yourself. Be confident that intuitively you always have the right answer,
and it is just a matter of allowing yourself to feel it. Because when you
can clear through all the crust in your brain blocking you from you - not
if, but when, because you can - you do have the answers. And these answers
will be gracious and positively powerful. And this is the difference between
conviction and opinion.
Remember that
the only time you don't know something is when you think too much about
it. But when you allow yourself to feel it first, you know it. When you
know it, you can then allow your rational mind to serve what you already know.
This (and only
this) is how human beings have improved their world, and the greater world
around them. Gandhi intuitively knew peace was possible before he rationalized
how he would go ahead demonstrating that. The Wright brothers intuitively
knew human flight in a machine was possible before they rationalized how to
make that machine.
From inventions,
cures and discoveries to new music, poems and films, the creators first intuit
it is possible - often despite what the "rational" thought of the
times insists - and then they rationalize how to do it. Finally, they do it.
Now, in these
particular times, with a particular very powerful leader who claims (or who
has others claiming) that he "leads from the gut," I realize some
readers may be thinking, "Intuition before rationalization can also be
deadly."
|
"The only time you don't know something is when you
think too much about it. But when you allow yourself to feel it first, you know it. When
you know it, you can then allow your rational mind to serve what you
already know."
-- Brian Vaszily
(Image: "Found," a digital
painting by Lumini Mattia.)
|
But whichever
way you lean politically, and whichever politicians come to mind for you specifically
when I state the following, I'm certain that intuitively you agree: my intuition
tells me – and rational facts support it -- that certain national and world
leaders, despite the claims to the contrary, have completely detached from
their own intuition. The world they inhabit makes it particularly easy and
tempting to confuse a quest for greedy power and pride with "following
intuition."
As Einstein
said in the quote above, though, rationality is a faithful servant.
It is also necessary to follow intuition with rationality. And when
the servant called rationality demonstrates that what was assumed to be intuition
wasn't true, well, it wasn't actually intuition. The master, that is,
was something else ... i.e., a quest for greedy power and pride.
But back to
you.
You do have the right answers. The rust and crust in your brain blocking
you from you may be thick - from fears and beliefs implanted by others there
since your childhood, from experiences, challenges and tragedies you have
not yet worked through and whose gifts you therefore have not yet allowed
yourself to receive - but the key is to clear through it and learn to (once
again, as you did so well when you were young) listen to your intuition.
Listen
Deeply to You
"Easier
said than done!" some of you may be saying at this point. Ironically,
that itself is a rational thought blurted out before your intuition had anything
to do with it, and therefore it is a demon thought worth letting go. But whether
you buy that or not yet, let’s move on by having you, if you will, do the
following (and granted this exercise is in condensed mode, but you will get
the idea):
Think about
some serious problem you are facing, one whose answer you are unsure of or
one with a difficult choice between two or more directions you need to make.
Now ask yourself,
"What is my heart telling me here?" or "What do I intuitively
know is right here?" Don't ask amidst the gaze and pressure of others,
and don't rush it, just let yourself really listen to whatever answers
surface. If necessary - and for many it is -- use a catalyst to help you listen
and focus, such as music, a sunset, a waterfall, or a candle.
Did you hear
that, the answer?
If you experience
the slightest doubt or fear at the answer you hear yourself give, that is
the crust and rust of rational thought you need to work through. There are
several advanced ways of working through it that I will be recommending here
over time in the
free IntenseExperiences.com newsletter, so stay tuned, but for starters
here is a simple way: fight fire with fire by questioning the motivation behind
the fear and doubt.
I'll use a
real-world example to explain this:
Let's say the
problem you are facing is your job ... you despise it and you have asked yourself
if you should stay in it or leave it.
That voice
inside you -- the one that speaks through your heart, your feelings, however
you define it -- clearly states you have to leave. But immediately you recoil
in fear from that answer, perhaps as if you never even heard it in the first
place. Instead you start to rationalize why you should remain in the job,
at least for a while, until this happens, or that occurs, or that does.
To avoid these
demons from taking over, when you ask yourself the question, teach yourself
to slow down and allow yourself -- urge yourself -- to listen and feel deeply.
Feel if fear or doubt (or jealousy or other negative emotions) surface with
the answer. And if they do, recognize them, challenge them, and then let
them go.
I'll repeat
this another way since it is so essential: the key is to hear what your intuition
tells you, to catch yourself if and when fear and doubt tries to deny what
your intuition just said, and to question the motivation behind the fears
and doubt. And then to let go of the blocks you discover and follow your intuition.
Perhaps in
the case of our example, your parents or your religion when you were growing
up stressed the value of hard work, and you have come to equate suffering
in your work with hard work and therefore fear offending your parents or God
by leaving that suffering.
Or perhaps
you were poor growing up and fear being flat-broke again, even at the expense
of letting your spirit be trampled. Whatever demons you discover, whatever
they’re trying to manipulate you into doing under the veil of rationality,
the key is to value your intuition, to listen for it deeply and follow it,
and let the scary demons go.
Intend to always
listen to your intuition. Allow yourself the time and focus to listen to what
you’re your heart is telling you with every important question and choice
you confront. And intend to follow the answer, allowing rationality to serve
it. You won't succeed every time, rationality will still sometimes strangle
your intuition – forgive yourself when this occurs -- but you will get better
at it over time.
You may
sometimes let your intuition down, but your intuition won’t let you down. It has the answers. Though
words won't always be there to explain what you discover, you do know. I am
confident about this, because it’s also what makes me so confident.
Return to Newsletter Archive
Recommend
This Page to a Friend
Print this article
